she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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