Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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