what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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