How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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