i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
