Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
