My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize