Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
