My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
