While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
