I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
