Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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