I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
