is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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