OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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