The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
