i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
