Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
