So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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