I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
