What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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