Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize