I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
