Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
