ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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