I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
