I'm passing your future prison.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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