Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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