Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
