he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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