dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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