So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
