The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
