turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
