If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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