Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize