We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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