I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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