Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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