you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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