Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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