sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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