hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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