I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
