Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize