dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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