Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
