I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
