yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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