hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
only if we run a train.
done.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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