I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
