is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
