The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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