saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
