I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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