with your own penis?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
