I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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