I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
