Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Text me some of your sweat
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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