9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
