Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
