...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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