Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The Olympian is in my bed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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