U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize