Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
