No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
