She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
