Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
